Something strange is going on. I haven't seen Hori for quite some time, actually since the mer-ut donned his Anubis attire and set out for the Osiris temple to ban...um, never mind!
Now I'm hearing rumors that Hori is in Waset, the Southern City, probably up to all kinds of mischief when he really should be tending to the pharaoh's wives.
I wish I could go on vacation and laze about like he does. Likely he took his friend Nakhtmin along. And I work my bony backside off every day at the embalming compound weryt. Of course I can't tell you about that! What happens in the weryt stays in the weryt!
Stay tuned for news from the rumor mill!
At long last, my scribe Kathrin has not only finished writing down the second adventure of Hori and Nakhtmin, featuring my humble self prominently, but the translator maid Edith got around to writing it up in English as well. I'm still waiting for an Egyptian edition of the books, but my cheeky servants told me to do that myself. Pshaw, I'm a simple embalmer, okay, an extremely skilled and experienced one. Still, nobody ever taught me to write!
Oh well, only the few people who can read English or German will be able to enjoy suspenseful murder mysteries set in ancient Egypt:
Well, I really got quite a few cackles out of this silly story about Nikolaos meeting Nile Claus, but now Claus wants to explore the world too, naturally, with horrible consequences: Cameleons! *shudder*
One shouldn't allow gods, not even crocodile gods, out of their temples. They were built for a good reason!
If you dare, get your free copy, for example at Amazon. Just don't blame me afterward!
Sobek the crocodile god haunts the Internet! Uhm, he's a slick one, changed jobs more often than most gods. Starting out as a womanizer who liked to get into bar brawls, he also protected people
from the dangers of the river Nile. Later, he kissed up to Horus and Ra, so he could take over some of their responsibilities and powers. I'm not so sure what to think of him roaming the realm of
ba souls here.
Oh, but this Nile Claus seems so different, looks kinda funny too. I need to get Edith to read the story to me. I've found it at Amazon.
I've picked up some snippets of conspiratorial talk between Kathrin and Edith. They are planning to bring a fellow countryman to this realm of ethereal ba souls called Internet and ebooks. Some Claus from the Nile. He's a young 'un, only a millennium plus a few centuries old, or at least his story doesn't go back much further. That may have to do with his buddy Nikolaos only meeting him around that time. Will be interesting to see what kind of dude that is. Honestly, it's been getting a little boring here lately, so I'll show myself from my most sociable side. At least I'll try.
Guess what they've done now! They put my book on "special". Of course I first thought this might be a great honor until I found out the price has been set so low that Apprenticed to
Anubis will be sold for like nothing at all. Only 0.99 cents the first day. That's like the tiniest crumb of a copper deben. Doesn't even buy you a mug of beer. Then the price goes up each
day until it's back to normal, and we can actually see the copper piece we get in return without using a magnifying glass. Let's hope not many people will notice the book today, so they can buy
later at a less ridiculous price.
Edith grumbles that it's all about gaining visibility and nothing to be ashamed of. Visibility! Believe me I know all about the lack of visibility. I am invisible. It's very convenient. Harumph, shut up, Edith. No, keep typing. Not when I'm talking to you, yokel! Okay, okay, I admit I kinda like the visibility I'm getting here. Satisfied now? Stop giggling and start behaving. Where are you going?
By Seth's balls, I had to beg her to come back. Can you believe it? Now, what was I going to say? Ah, yes. Keep me in the loop how many people will actually buy the book at such an embarrassingly low price. *Sigh* Of course they'll love it. If not, they should be sent to the weryt. That did Hori a lot of good.
Finally, Edith is back and stooped to show up here. She babbles about jetlag that kept her away. A jaded leg, or what? Then she goes on about the United Staates where she told people about my
book. I guess she means Upper and Lower Egypt. Why didn't she take me along? I'd have liked to visit my birthplace again. She could have let me sneak onto her laptop or the thin slab that can
tell my story in wiggly squiggles. Instead she runs off and upon her return weaves this threadbare tale of two big lumps of land that hadn't been discovered yet in my time and my world.
I wonder where Hori and Nakhtmin's ba souls are hanging out. If we'd gang up on Kathrin and Edith, we might be able to whisper some sense into their silly hearts. Maybe I should refer to Apprenticed to Anubis as Hori & Nakhtmin's adventure in the future, might make them drop by. I hear there are some search deamons in these realms that snatch up words and bring them to other puters, where people can read them.
Disgruntled greetings from a long-neglected, long-suffering Kheper
Edith says she doesn't have much time to write what I'm telling her because in less than a moon cycle she'll be flying to another continent so she can talk to Americans about my story. Well, officially it's Hori and Nakhtmin's story, but if you've read the book, you know well enough who's the real protagonist.
Anyway, I think she's making fun of me. I know for sure she has no wings. When I called her on her lie, she said she'd fly on a winged bark. Surrrre, with solar god Ra at the rudder, I guess.
Pull the other one, it's got wings on.
Why is she giggling as she types these puter glyphs? What a strange world. Why did I sign up for eternal life? If only I'd known back in the days. I'd have told my colleague embalmers to burn my
body and spread the ashes in the mountains of the Beautiful West.
Edith cackles and I'm at a loss. Maybe I'll fly home and see if someone left food at my tomb.
Hard to believe but Edith showed me the story can really be sent through the air to a strange black slab with a white surface, and then these strange wriggly characters can be deciphered to form words and tell my story. Well, okay, it's rather Hori and Nakhtmin's story, but hey, without me the book would be far less fun.
They still haven't shown me the paper cuts glued together, but I'm slowly starting to believe Kathrin and Edith know what they are doing. It's kind of like having a doctor being sentenced to service at the weryt. He's clueless about the important stuff but quite skilled when it comes to organ removal and embalming. No need to say the boy still learned a lot under my supervision, which none of his teachers could have taught him.
My little helpers recited ancient Egyptian prayers to the publishing gods, and now Verborgener Tod will be reborn as Apprenticed to Anubis much earlier than originally
planned. September 4 is the big day! Stay tuned (whatever that means). They tell me it will be available as ebook, kind of the ba soul of a story, and as paperback. That's papyrus cut into small
squares with strange symbols, all pages glued together. I know, it's weird.